Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
