i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
