My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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