you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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