so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
