dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Shame - the story of my life.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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