I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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