Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
