I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
