dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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