is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
