Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
