Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
