Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
