You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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