dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Watching her eat just hurts me
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
