we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
