is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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