hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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