I feel great
I just peed on a car
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
