My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
