dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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