This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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