dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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