K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
