Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
