God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
