I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
