He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
