I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Randomize
