he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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