Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
dude i'm inner monologue high
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
