Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Randomize
