I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
