Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Randomize
