she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
