she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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