To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
