Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
