Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
