I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just invented taco cereal.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
