some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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