you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
