the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
