everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
