I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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