Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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