Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
