hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
