Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
